It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
