so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
