just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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