You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
