i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize