babies were throwing up all over the place
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The struggles of a small town man whore
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
