I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
