I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You can't special order awesome
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
