does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i dont even know how to be here
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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