dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize