Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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