I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
