Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
