The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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