her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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