If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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