Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
