After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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