i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize