We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
