I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
