then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
