the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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