If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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