ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
