I faked an abortion last night.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
