if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
All the doctor said was why
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
