Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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