Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
