sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Randomize
