it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
