I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
