Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
