the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
