just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
