we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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