So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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