Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
