When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
