Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
