last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
