I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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