My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
