she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
