If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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