At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
