i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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