There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
