I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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