So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
