You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Fuck appropriateness.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
