Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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