it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
