my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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