i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
