I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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