Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
