Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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