i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
