how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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