If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
