i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
