He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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