I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
