Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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