his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
