I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
