She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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